my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
