i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
