He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
