his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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