it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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