Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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