So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
