I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
