he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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