I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
