You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize