Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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