Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
