Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
