That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
