I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
