dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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