omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That accounts for only three of the penises
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
