she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
