billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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