Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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