question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
