Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
