just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to be your penis for a week.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
