Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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