You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
