A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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