Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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