you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
