He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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