We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
