; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize