i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
