you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
