I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
