the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
