so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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