I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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