just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
