So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
