you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
