ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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