Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
