Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
