I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is the high leading the old right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
