I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
