Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He shit in the fireplace
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
