I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have aggressive nipples.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
