Her vagina should come with caution tape.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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