Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
