found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
