The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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