If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
