My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
