So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
