wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
