I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
