nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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