How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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