last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
