I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
