just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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