John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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