just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
